I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
