When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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