i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
