i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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