if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
