sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
