I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
