he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
