I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
