hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
