soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
