my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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