I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
