I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
