If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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