It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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