Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
