My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize