ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
