Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
