I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
