**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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