i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize