I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize