the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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