have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
