My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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