evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
