you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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