While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
