it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
