I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
