Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
