Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
