im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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