we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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