I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
