Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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