Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
