plz talk dirty to me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
