Screwed.edu
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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