I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
