After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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