I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
