Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
