I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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