i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
