Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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