whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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