Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
