either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
