so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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