haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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