one might say we're banned from that church
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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