I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
