i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
