she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Randomize
