I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
