they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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