I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
