you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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