Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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