So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
