Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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