covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
well you can't waste a boner
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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