Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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