Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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