Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You can't special order awesome
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
