I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
