I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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