I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
