Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
