Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
