He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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