he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
