well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
