i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
