Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The adults are the big ones right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
