You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
